I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
