If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
