I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
