Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
