What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
