a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
