Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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