i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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