Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
