I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
