Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
