I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
