So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
