Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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