i think my tv is drunk
You work out of a Hotel?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
