I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
