New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
