I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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