Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
