Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
