There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
