i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
