upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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