I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
