that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
