I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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