I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
