Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize