i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
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Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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