New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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