and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I pour the whiskey from now on
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
