last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
