I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
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