You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
