Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize