I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
