I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
