I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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