the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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