It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
