your parents love me but you hate me
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
