I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
