I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
