i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
