If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
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I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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