i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
