We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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