A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
