i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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