I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
