Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
