Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
