If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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