there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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