I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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