WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
