She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
