yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Randomize
