i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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