Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
