Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were destined to go to rehab together
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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