Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
