: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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