we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
