A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Randomize
