let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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