Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
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