I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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