I wish I could teleport
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
