My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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