I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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