If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
