Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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