I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
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I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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