the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
