Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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