I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize